Last week, I finally did it.
It took me almost an entire year.
But I got over you.
The first person I fell in love with. The first person I made all those promises to. The girl I planned my future around-- I'm finally over you.
I'm no longer trying to find someone to take your place. I'm not trying to fill the hole you had left. I'm no longer searching for a missing piece.
I'm full again.
It happened to suddenly. I was walking through the hallways to my locker. And I realized it. There's no longer a want to be with someone. No wishes or hopes for you to come back. You're living your life and I'm living mine.
I'm over you.
I can live with my solitude for a while. Maybe one day, I'll find someone else. But that'll be far from now.
Right now, I'm happy knowing I did it. I got over the rough feelings and broken heart. I'm going to enjoy being my single self. And pat myself on the back because I did what I thought was impossible.
Showing posts with label break up. Show all posts
Showing posts with label break up. Show all posts
Monday, March 24, 2014
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
To You
I'm sorry. Things are over, done with, and I keep bringing up in.
In my writing, my words, my posts, I keep reminding you that I'm not happy about what happened. I wish there was a way I could turn back time. I wish a little blue box will come by and take me back in time so I can warn myself not to do it.
Don't fall for the girl obsessed with video games. Fight the urges you have to talk to her all the time. Let your feelings grow on the girl who tastes of cigarettes, not her. Enjoy the friendship of the girl you met on tumblr. Don't grow attached to her.
But I did. And unfortunately, there is no way to turn back time.
And every time I mention even once that it's hard to go back to just friends, you somehow end up hearing it and I continue to hurt you and guilt you without wanting to. It's the last I want to do.
I'm so sorry for everything.
From this day forth, I plan to continue as your friend. I'm not moving on, although I know there are people who can help me do it. My feelings will still be there, but I will not dread on them. I'll ignore them as best as I can, just as I did for months.
I've done it before. I can do it again.
I'm sorry for hurting you. For guilt-tripping you. For everything I have ever done.
- Amber.
In my writing, my words, my posts, I keep reminding you that I'm not happy about what happened. I wish there was a way I could turn back time. I wish a little blue box will come by and take me back in time so I can warn myself not to do it.
Don't fall for the girl obsessed with video games. Fight the urges you have to talk to her all the time. Let your feelings grow on the girl who tastes of cigarettes, not her. Enjoy the friendship of the girl you met on tumblr. Don't grow attached to her.
But I did. And unfortunately, there is no way to turn back time.
And every time I mention even once that it's hard to go back to just friends, you somehow end up hearing it and I continue to hurt you and guilt you without wanting to. It's the last I want to do.
I'm so sorry for everything.
From this day forth, I plan to continue as your friend. I'm not moving on, although I know there are people who can help me do it. My feelings will still be there, but I will not dread on them. I'll ignore them as best as I can, just as I did for months.
I've done it before. I can do it again.
I'm sorry for hurting you. For guilt-tripping you. For everything I have ever done.
- Amber.
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Questions I Could Never Ask You
How have you been? Are you
feeling well? How are your grades? Math still causing you problems? Are your
parents well? Have you seen any great movies lately?
What have you done since I last talked to you? Anything interesting? Have you been on any adventures? Read a good book, stolen a street sign, gone skinny dipping? Have you kissed anyone since you kissed me? Have you wanted to?
Did you have a good Christmas? Did you get everything you wanted? Were you planning on getting me something? Do you know I was going to give you candy and a painted picture from your favorite movie? Did you know I ate all the candy and tore up the picture?
When you broke up with me, did you cry about it? Or did you feel better? Did you feel bad for not calling or telling me in person? Did your fingers slip on the keyboard as you wrote out the letter? Did you hate yourself for ending what I hoped for months? Did you cry the days leading up to it? Do you regret what you did? Do you regret even saying yes?
Did your hands tremble and your eyes water when you wrote the apology note? Or was it a last minute idea that you wrote at the end of the class period when you finished your work or while the teacher was giving a lecture because you felt guilty for just saying goodbye and then going back as if nothing had happened? Did someone give you a full bag of Skittles? Did you feel it was necessary to give me half a bag of candy when you gave me the note?
How would you feel if you knew I crumbled up the note? That I tossed it in my backpack and threw all my books on top of it? That I nearly cried at my locker while reading it? That I did cry in my car once I finally made it? That any hope I had of it being fixed was gone after that?
Do you know how much I miss you? That I can’t bear to be around you and act like things are normal? How could things be normal after I told you all my feelings? How can you expect me to go back to being friends with no feelings for one another?
Have you noticed I don’t talk to you as often? That I hardly reply to you? That every day, I talk to you less and less because I can’t get over everything I feel for you and that you know it? I can’t take my feelings back or every word I ever told you, so how can you expect me to go on as normal? Do you hate me for doing it? Do you wish I’d talk to you more? Are you worried I’ll ruin this friendship?
Do you know how much I regret everything? That I regret asking you out and telling you how wonderful you are and how much I care about and how long I’ve cared. I regret kissing you and trying to help you and feeling horrible when you didn’t talk to me. I hate that when I see you in the hallway or you talk to me, I get angry and sad and won’t talk to you.
Are you going to read this? If you do, I regret writing this. I don’t want to hurt you more than I already have. I don’t want you to hate me more than you do.
-- Amber
What have you done since I last talked to you? Anything interesting? Have you been on any adventures? Read a good book, stolen a street sign, gone skinny dipping? Have you kissed anyone since you kissed me? Have you wanted to?
Did you have a good Christmas? Did you get everything you wanted? Were you planning on getting me something? Do you know I was going to give you candy and a painted picture from your favorite movie? Did you know I ate all the candy and tore up the picture?
When you broke up with me, did you cry about it? Or did you feel better? Did you feel bad for not calling or telling me in person? Did your fingers slip on the keyboard as you wrote out the letter? Did you hate yourself for ending what I hoped for months? Did you cry the days leading up to it? Do you regret what you did? Do you regret even saying yes?
Did your hands tremble and your eyes water when you wrote the apology note? Or was it a last minute idea that you wrote at the end of the class period when you finished your work or while the teacher was giving a lecture because you felt guilty for just saying goodbye and then going back as if nothing had happened? Did someone give you a full bag of Skittles? Did you feel it was necessary to give me half a bag of candy when you gave me the note?
How would you feel if you knew I crumbled up the note? That I tossed it in my backpack and threw all my books on top of it? That I nearly cried at my locker while reading it? That I did cry in my car once I finally made it? That any hope I had of it being fixed was gone after that?
Do you know how much I miss you? That I can’t bear to be around you and act like things are normal? How could things be normal after I told you all my feelings? How can you expect me to go back to being friends with no feelings for one another?
Have you noticed I don’t talk to you as often? That I hardly reply to you? That every day, I talk to you less and less because I can’t get over everything I feel for you and that you know it? I can’t take my feelings back or every word I ever told you, so how can you expect me to go on as normal? Do you hate me for doing it? Do you wish I’d talk to you more? Are you worried I’ll ruin this friendship?
Do you know how much I regret everything? That I regret asking you out and telling you how wonderful you are and how much I care about and how long I’ve cared. I regret kissing you and trying to help you and feeling horrible when you didn’t talk to me. I hate that when I see you in the hallway or you talk to me, I get angry and sad and won’t talk to you.
Are you going to read this? If you do, I regret writing this. I don’t want to hurt you more than I already have. I don’t want you to hate me more than you do.
-- Amber
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