Friendships and Love

I am in absolute love with my friend.

I can practically hear you letting out a huge sigh of annoyance. Another girl claiming to be in love with her friend, you think. But no, that’s not what I’m talking about.

I don’t fantasize about kissing her or having sex with her. I’d love to hold her hand and hug her and hell, even snuggle with her. But I don’t want to kiss her unless we’re both drunk and desperate. To me, kissing her would be like kissing a sister. I know I live in Arkansas, but I’m not into that stuff.

Johanna—Or as I like to call her, Joe—is probably my closest friend. My best friend even. She knows more about me than anyone else and I trust her with all my secrets. I love her to death, but I don’t want to sleep with her. We talk about our crushes, and she has a beautiful girlfriend. I don’t get jealous over the fact that she’s with her. I’m extremely happy that they’re happy together and will kill the girl if she does anything to hurt Joe.

The worse part about our friendship is that she is thousands of miles away from me. She is literally on the other side of the planet in Finland. Ball freezing Finland.

When I’m getting ready for bed, she’s getting ready for school. It’s fucking crazy.

Somehow, in the year we've known each other, we've managed to make a routine so it works. Because of the time difference, we've saved our conversations for weekends only. If we tried to do it on school nights, one or both of us will be losing sleep. Since we’re both practically sloths, we agreed that was a bad idea.

Let’s go back to my love for Joe. We like to torture each other by sending creepy videos and pictures and fanfiction. It’s messed up and sometimes awkward and gross to do, but we feel that if one has to face the pain, the other should too and then we can go on talking about how messed up it was. We talk about sex and relationships and ex-girlfriends and our OTPs and everything in between.

I told her that when we meet, we’re going to run in slow motion into a big huge. Preferably at Comic-Con. She likes the idea, mostly because Comic Con.

Joe is absolutely beautiful, inside and out. She’s funny and is an amazing cosplayer and is great and keeping secrets and shares the same interests as me. She’s stubborn and crazy and has a bad habit of pushing people away. We’re able to find each other’s imperfections but goddamn, I love Joe so much because of her imperfections.

I don’t have an idea of her, I know her. I know how messed up she can be and the bad things she can do. Maybe that’s why I love her so much. She’s not perfect and never tried to be. From the very beginning, I've known she was lazy, reckless, and beyond imperfect.

There’s not really a point to this rambling post. I just want to share my love for Joe and show anyone who reads it that love isn't always a red string tied to your finger (See here for context). Sometimes it’s a pink or green or blue or plain white tied to the finger of you and your friend. Love isn't just something that can lead to marriage. Sometimes, it’s friendship.

It’s a different kind of love that no one gives much credit for. It’s all about romance and marriage. Why can’t we just have friends who we love with all our heart? Why can’t we tell them this without it being awkward?

Love your friends, don't fight the love, and them know how much you care about them. 

-          --  Amber.